Have You Changed or Have You Just Grown Up?

14:46:00

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Growing up, I  was always a "people pleaser". Doing things that were seen as acceptable or not doing things which were deemed as rude, reckless and other negative adjectives. But as always, life one day hits you and just don't care about people's view of you, and you are just trying to find yourself and not be like everyone else.
This happened with me, when I moved from one parish to another, and I just became a completely different person(not automatically). I focused on what was important in the long run (e.g. school work and violin) and not short term things, such as outfits for parties or gossip(a.k.a mixup). I became a person who got closer to her to GOD, not just being apart of the church because my parents and brother were apart; but because I, myself, had a relationship with Jesus. A relationship, which though has its rough time, is gradually growing stronger and stronger each day.
That moved, also somewhat forced me to stop following the crowd, and try and find out who I am as an individual, not just as a member of a group of people. Finding out what I like and what I don't like. Figuring out my views on various topics, and not letting anyone try and persuade me to change, because of their views. As well as, having confidence in myself and my own abilities and not letting anyone EVER make me feel small and inferior again. I've lived my life, in fear of quite a number of people and this fear caused me to suppress the 'mad'/ crazy, jovial, multi-talented, smart girl, who I really am.
As always, there are people in my life, who were there before the change, and they see the "new" me as being strange, loud, awful, wicked and other unnecessary and ridiculous views. When really, its the fact that they liked the old me, as it was up to their standards, but I wasn't happy in my own skin, so I made a change for MY betterment. It's not their life, its mine. Thus, they are so irrelevant, its not funny; because I know people who love me for me, new and old, as they accept me, and want what's best for me.
I hope I never go back to the person I use to be; but its still a struggle each day to not get lost in the group. One day, this "new" me, will just come natural or innate, not letting anything or anyone be able to change me again.
If anyone does read this, I hope my experience has somewhat helped you. As well as that if you are going through the "transitional period", you don't feel like you alone are going through this. Its a natural thing, nothing ever stays the same. Some people just have an issue with change.
Peace & Love
-Chialine <3

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