Being Cold and Being OK with it.

16:58:00

Hello. Good Morning, Afternoon, Evening and Night! Long time no speak. 
I'M BACK! I say I'm back a lot dont I. EH LIFE!
As per usual, none of my thoughts are directed at any one person and if u don't like my thoughts, KEEP IT TO UR SELF! Thanks.
Being 19, soon to be 20. I'm reached a stage in my life where I'm coming to a lot of realizations and wanting to change how I deal with certain aspects of my life.
One of these aspects is how I distribute my love to the people around me. Growing up I always loved everyone that was in my life and they meant a lot to me. Like I would go to moon and back for them, because of how strong I loved them. So, I could never understand why those same persons in my life who I cared for so much, would hurt me like they have in the past. This involves old family friends, old bestfriends, ex boyfriends, and in some cases, my own flesh and blood (family). I would sit in my bed at night just questioning why would that person do that or why did I put myself in that situation to be hurt, unknowing that, this is how that person was; and while I questioned myself, tears would be streaming down my face.
I was like this because as a Christian, we want to be like God/ Jesus, and he has a WHOLE, GIGANTIC heart, full of love for the sinners and his people. So, I can only assume if these people hurt me cuz I showed such love, how God feels when we disobey his commandments or do sumn un-Godly. BUT, if we ask for forgiveness, he will forgive us.
But, here's the thing, I'M MOST DEFINITELY NOT GOD. NOT EVEN CLOSE. I AM PLUTO AND GOD IS THE SUN. FAAARR AWAY FROM WHAT I NEED TO BE LIKE. And I don't think I'm alone, in my thought process of trying to figure out who is worth my love and who's not.
Sooo.... I've become Semi-Cold Hearted, where I have no particular strong feelings for anyone, just dealing with me and trying to figure out myself, as well as keeping very close friends and family near if I need some guidance or someone to talk to about stuff. Cuz ur 20s in the stage in your life where u figure out "stuff" and I guess I just want a early start, as well as I'm just FED UP with how some people treat me, like I wanna be a priority in your life, not someone you hail once in a blue moon. NAAAAAAHHHH! Done with that. Women should be treated like a priority. WE ARE QUEENS IN OUR OWN RIGHT.
P.S If you've reached this stage in life, lemmi know in the comments. Hopefully I'm not alone. *fingers crossed*.

Peace & Love
-Chialine <3

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