Would My Past Self Be Proud of My Present Self?


As a child we all dreamt (well I did) that by the time we were, maybe 25, we would own a car, have our own house, be married to love our life, be in the profession in which we dreamt about for so long, making soooo much money, we would have to pinch our self to see its not a dream but a wonderful reality. We would think that life was such a smooth boat ride instead of a rickety piece a boat going down a river while the eye of Hurricane Ivan/Gilbert is over the island. We would think that we would always be happy, we always have the same friends and that people who we love and care for would never hurt us. Sometimes we thought we would be with the same people forever, living in the same place, always being able to afford the finer things in life and be HAPPY.
At 20 years old, I realized my childish dreams, were really....childish and naive. Life has not been smooth sailing and it will never be. I've failed couple things, I've sat in my room bawling eye water many days over different problems in my life, I've had to deal with unhappiness and trying to find it within myself and not seek it from others. I've learnt that by 25 I'm likely not gonna have my own house or even date/ be married to the man of my dreams(idk).....maybe I'll have a car let's hope. I'm ok with that. I'm not the same person I once was as a child, I've changed and by me changing I've lost some of my friends, but I've gained some very true friends who I hold near and dear to my heart.
As a child I thought if my parents' religious standing was good, I could just piggy back on theirs. But I've realised over many years I needed my own relationship with God, because God communicates with everyone differently and everyone's relationship with Him is different. And to be honest, I am Chiann because of His presence in my life. For eg, when God realised I was a small sprat in Kingston, he moved me into a smaller pond (Montego Bay), where I could find myself, grow, become stronger and wiser and more independent so I could be a better Chiann than the one who was easily influenced, not so bright, and other words which represent inferiority. Then I became a dolphin. And I was placed back into Kingston far better and stronger from when I left.
So, my whole point in this blog post is would my past self be proud of my present self, I think so. Things obviously didn't go as we originally planned it, but the fact that I prevailed and I'm still here, kicking, doing the best I can and much more. I believe child chiann would be clapping 20 yr old chiann and be proud.
Peace & Love,
Chiann <3    

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